Soaked and homeward bound. Apparently a nightmare

There is something especially hilarious about weather over-preparedness in New York City. I saw a gentleman walking his dog wearing knee high slickers and a poncho. He had the dog's leash in one hand and a humongous umbrella in the other.  It was barely drizzling. About 10% of the people on the street were rain gear equipped. Seriously - how far could he possibly be walking his dog? What exactly is the worst case scenario? That he gets soaked and then arrives home soaked? But, who am I to judge? Maybe he was planning an all-day walk with his  miniature dachshund. That would be a legitimate excuse. But, somehow, given the fragility of the dog and the heftiness of the man, I highly doubt that scenario.

So happy we could share this, mom

Today, I saw a mother and her young daughter zooming down a hill together on a razor scooter. And, when I say hill, I mean a slightly slanted block in New York City. I assumed that this was just a short stint for two, and that the mom would hop off at the bottom of the 'hill' and walk beside her daughter as she scooted. But...No. Instead, they turned the corner and continued scooting together on flat ground for multiple busy, city blocks. Awkward.

Hawaiian barbells

Today, I noticed something peculiar while walking past the gym near my apartment. The gym has a lobby area with a few tables. In the front corner, sat a man. In the chair across the table from him were two pineapples. No bag. Just two whole, uncut, pineapples - standing upright on the chair. I can't think of a single scenario where it makes sense to bring pineapples to the gym. Not one.

The moving picture show

Met a nice middle-aged man name Larry over the weekend. He was bragging about how he had seen the original Star Wars movies multiple times in theaters. He told me about how he loved the first one so much that, when he went to go see it for the fourth time, he brought his camera to take pictures of the movie. Yes....Larry brought his regular camera and captured the Star Wars film in photographs. For real.  I had to leave the room when I heard this. It was too funny for me to continue sitting next to him.

Slight Overcompensation

At work today, the vending machine ate my money while I was trying to procure a diet pepsi. I was especially saddened, as I had ventured to multiple floors before finding a machine that wasn't sold out. Also, I had just used the last of my change. With no choice, I called the number on the vending machine to report the problem. In my previous experience, these numbers tend to be similar to the button that people press repeatedly at crosswalks - they both make you feel better, but actually accomplish nothing. But, not this time. As it turns out, the vending machine operators are linked with our general food service operation. The man I spoke to on the phone personally arrived at my desk within 10 minutes. He presented me with a refund for my soda AND a diet pepsi, a cup with ice, a bag of chips, a bag of gourment caramel popcorn AND a free lunch coupon. Very nice. But, also, an absurd overcompensation for a vending machine eating my money. Thank you sir. But, what are you hiding and why do you want me to be happy that the vending machine malfunctioned?

Perceptive lady of the month

An adorable conversation caught my attention on the subway. The lady sitting across from me turned to her neighbor and said – “Am I allowed to eat here?” The man that she asked managed to keep a straight face when he responded, which I found to be significantly impressive. Anyway, I wonder how this woman, (who for the sake of logic, I am going to have to assume was a tourist) arrived at the conclusion that there were rules on the NY subway. Seriously, she could have looked to her left, to her right, or really anywhere in her field of vision/on her way to her seat, to find that she was entering anarchy. Let’s see…Shoving is acceptable and there is no referee in sight, the official motto is “A crowded subway is no excuse for an improper touch,” showering within the last month is optional, pick-pocketing is expected, the floor looks like a trash can, there is at least one verbal altercation per subway car, employees watch people hop over the turnstiles without paying for a ride…Oh, and according to the New York Daily News, 63% of people polled have experienced one of the following on the subway: “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, flashing, groping, fondling and public masturbation” ….Yes, lady – I think it is ok for you to eat. And there is truly no need for you to crouch awkwardly over your food so as not to make a mess. Thanks for playing.

How to woo a lady

I took my car to Sears auto center a couple of weeks ago for a tune-up. A lovely young man (and I use that term loosely…for a 17 year old) named Daryl helped me with my order and gave me a price quote of $450. He told me that my car would be ready later that day and that he would call me to let me know when to come in and pick it up. About 2 hours later, I got a call from Daryl. He was just calling to let me know that my price would be $300, not $450. I found this sudden voluntary 33% decrease in price peculiar, but obviously I didn’t complain. Daryl called me again a little while later to let me know that my car would be ready in 20 minutes. I arrived at the Sears to find that my car was nowhere near ready. After almost an hour of hanging out with Daryl, he invited me to go to Philadelphia with him for the weekend. And then I understood. Good strategy Daryl. I am so happy that you still have my phone number.

The perfect place for needlepoint

On the subway this morning, I saw a middle-aged man doing needlepoint. He was seated and I was facing him -- standing up and holding the bar above his head. Now, I am not sure where the line is between appropriate and inappropriate subway activties. But, I am pretty sure that needlepoint is on the wrong side of the line. Something just doesn't seem right about wielding a needle back and forth in a place where even airborne diseases are a real risk. I did not enjoy standing in the periphery of his needle's path. Also, this middle aged man was needlepointing a picture of a puppy. Funny that the outcome of his project will be dainty and adorable -- seeing as this construction worked type gentleman was not.

Communication at JFK confuses me

Yesterday, I flew from LAX to JFK. From the time we took off, the little map on the TV told us that our flight was going to arrive at JFK at 4:55, 35 minutes earlier than our scheduled arrival time of 5:30. This is also what the captain announced approximately 14 times on the loudspeaker. He was very proud of himself. Upon arrival, the captain got back on his microphone and told us that since we were so very early, our gate wasn’t ready for us. ‘They’ were currently looking for a new gate for us. Now, I am *assuming* that air traffic control knew that we were arriving early. The Delta website knew. My parents certainly knew (as they track my flight progress diligently). I knew. Everyone on the flight knew. The pilot was definitely not making a secret of it. How exactly did this fact elude the people that coordinate the gates at JFK? I truly do not get how they were blindsided by our arrival. Makes no sense.

Shaq/Dolly Parton

I went to a play last week. I sat behind a woman who had a similar body type to Shaq. Also, her hair was an homage to Dolly Parton. Anyway, I couldn't see. at all. So, I asked the usher if there was another seat somewhere in the theater. She told me that there were no empty seats, but that she would bring something over to help me. She brought me a booster seat - for adults. Obviously, this was too funny for me to actually sit on for any sustained period of time. But, apparently, such a device exists. I kind of hope this happens to me again.